I am in the middle of finishing up the Rabbi Jonathan Sacks Haggadah on Pesach, and I believe it is one of the best things I have read in years. His insights into the haggadah and how he ties Yetzias Mitzraim to the modern day are phenomenal. Last night I came across what he writes about the “Ben HaRasha” and it struck a cord with me. The point he makes is that throughout Jewish History Jews have assimilated and "outmarried" due to pressure from our surroundings and crisis in the community. This time however it is something else, nowadays it is due to indifference, ignorance, or pressure of an age or culture. Here is how he interprets that question of the Ben HaRasha:

“What is the child whom others see as wicked- the adolescent, the rebel, the breakaway-really signaling by his conduct? We know what he says. But what is the question beneath the words, the inarticulate cry? ‘Father, Mother, what does Judaism mean to you? You sent me to Hebrew school. You gave me a bar mitzvah. You hired teachers for me. I know what Judaism is supposed to mean. I listened to the lessons. I read the books. But all the time I was growing up, you sent mixed messages. When I neglected my secular education, you were angry, but when I missed Hebrew lessons, you never seemed to mind. I learned about the laws of Jewish life, but you did not seem to keep them, or if you did so, you did it selectively. What you said was that Judaism mattered but what you did, seemed to show that it did not matter very much. At my bar mitzvah, you were more concerned about the catering than about how much I understood the words I said in synagogue. As I grew older you seemed more interested in what college I went to and which career path I pursued than whether I was continuing to study and practice Judaism. You wanted me to marry a Jewish girl, but you never gave me a real reason why. I know what Judaism is supposed to mean to me- but you are my parents. I am only Jewish because you are. So I ask you from the depth of my soul: What does Judaism mean to YOU? “

I think that of all the many lessons of freedom and Jewish identity that we learn from the haggadah this is something that we need to keep in mind as we approach, both pesach, but even more so chinuch with our children. Will we teach them that they should be focusing exclusively on their secular subject because “torah only belongs to the charedim”? Or will we teach them that although their secular subjects are important, Torah is more important. Will we urge them to pursue secular collages and livelihoods exclusively or will we encourage some of our children to get involved in Klay Kodesh and be the next leaders of Klal Yisrael? When our children as us Mah Haavodah Hazos Lachem? We should really be looking for the question behind the question.

Have A chag kasher V’ Sameach.